Silence
by Jara
Summary: Set before the final chapter of TOoP, major SPOILERS, do not read if you haven't finished the book. This story is about Lupin and Tonks.


Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling, I'm just borrowing them.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Classification: Hurt/Comfort/ Romance / Angst  
  
Spoilers: Major ones for The Order of the Phoenix. Do not read unless you finished the book.  
  
A/N: A huge big thanks to lanna_kitty for betaing. And to chiroho who betaed despite not having read one HP book.  
  
This is my very first Harry Potter fic (and probably my last as well). Please keep that in mind and all feedback, as long as it's constructive, is welcome.  
  
And oh yeah, all this is angst_angel's fault. Blame her if you think this sucks!  
  
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Lupin softly closed the door behind him and turned to face the dark hall. The silence that they so desperately sustained to keep the portraits dormant was now heavy with an air of mourning. It didn't seem right as the original owners of the house seemed to hate their last descendant.  
  
He hadn't dared to face Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place since the last stand of the remaining Marauders. Now, he was alone, there was no one left. No one that mattered, anyway. That he was the last was a fact that he had tried not to face. The full moon had been a welcome ally for him as he went into hiding. Alas, the time had come for him to finally face the truth, when he had woken up in his safe hold with a letter and a golden feather lying on the floor next to him.  
  
The Order needed him. Everyone had been busy the last few days, now that the return of Voldemort was accepted by the wizard world. Their work had become easier now that the Ministry wasn't working against them anymore, but that didn't mean it had become lighter. Tonks and Mundungus had been staying in Headquarters, but now both had to go on an errand for Dumbledore. So the old wizard had decided Lupin's time for grief had come to an end, and that he should finally come back to the living.  
  
With a sigh Lupin sneaked, nearly tiptoeing, through the hall and towards the stairs leading to the kitchen where he guessed the others would be. He didn't realise he was still walking soundlessly as he opened the door and walked into the warm kitchen. Silent movement was one of the few positive sides of being a werewolf, but one which he was apt to forget about.  
  
A small smile curved his lips as he watched Tonks pouring herself a cup of coffee without actually spilling... much. She seemed totally unaware that anyone was watching her. Her hair this time was dark brown, instead of the bubble gum pink or the blue.  
  
"So is that your real colour or...?" He asked, startling her.  
  
The cup slipped from her fingers and came crashing down on the floor. Quickly Tonks jumped back avoiding the hot liquid.  
  
"I'm sorry, you alright?" He asked quickly, walking over to make sure she was.  
  
"Fine, just clumsy." Tonks smiled apologetically, and got out her wand to repair the cup.  
  
"You know, for an Auror, you shouldn't let anyone creep up on you like that." Remus teased.  
  
"Well I wasn't really expecting anyone to sneak up on me while I'm in the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix." She pointed out, and refilled the now repaired cup. "Want some?"  
  
"No, I'm fine." Lupin shook his head and sat down at the table.  
  
Tonks sat down on the seat next to him and studied him carefully. Lupin chose to ignore her scrutiny, instead staring down at his hands.  
  
When he turned back to face her, her hair was standing up in spikes again. This time she had chosen purple instead of the pink. "So...?"  
  
"So, what?" Tonks looked confused as she carefully placed the cup down.  
  
"Is it? Your real colour." He motioned toward her hair.  
  
"What? Purple?" She grinned at him, and he couldn't help but return it.  
  
"Brown." He corrected and studied her hair carefully.  
  
"Might be." She avoided giving him an answer, but somehow he didn't seem to mind.  
  
Her eyes, now blue again, rested on his face, carefully studying his features. Suddenly it bothered him that she was changing her features. Most of the times her eyes were the darkest and deepest shade of brown he had ever seen, and it had led him to believe that it must be her true colour.  
  
"Change them back." He whispered and she looked at him confused. "Your eyes, change them back." He pleaded with her, not understanding the urge that suddenly was overwhelming him.  
  
Tonks looked doubtfully at him, but complied. She screwed up her face, and the next thing he found himself staring into *her* eyes. "Remus, are you alright?" She looked at him concerned, her dark eyes mirroring the light of the fire from the other side of the table.  
  
He swallowed and nodded, realising only now how much her eyes were like Sirius'. She only lacked that deeper, darker edge that came with being locked up in Azkaban for 12 years. "Yeah." He found himself answering hoarsely.  
  
She frowned and kept staring at him, almost making him nervous as he realised how shabby he must look. He hadn't shaved in a couple of days, his clothes were as scruffy as always, maybe even more as he hadn't exactly stayed in a four star hotel. It all just made him more self-conscious than ever before. Especially in the presence of Tonks, who always seemed to be up to date with the latest fashion.  
  
"Where have you been?" She asked softly, as if she was reading his mind - although he was pretty sure that she wouldn't even consider doing Legilimens on him.  
  
"It was a full moon." He explained, although that was only part of it.  
  
"For a whole week?" He should have known that she wouldn't by it.  
  
He sighed and looked away, staring into the fire. "An abandoned lighthouse on an island near the coast. No one ever comes there, and it's far enough from the coast to prevent me from swimming ashore."  
  
"You've been up there for a whole week?" Tonks stared at him in disbelief as he nodded.  
  
He shrugged. "I didn't know where else to go. Coming here would just have been..."  
  
She didn't let him finish his sentence, for which he was grateful. "You could have come with any of us. I'm sure the Weasley's wouldn't have minded taking you in. Neither would I for that matter."  
  
"I know." He did know. "I just needed some time on my own. Besides, I knew it was nearing full moon and I couldn't bother anyone with that."  
  
"Nonsense." She whispered but never got to say anything more as the cup of coffee was knocked over. This time the steaming liquid streamed over her hand and Tonks jumped up.  
  
Lupin cringed at the curse words leaving the Auror's mouth as she cradled her hand against her chest. He swiftly stood up and took her hand in his. Using his wand he cleaned her hand and healed the flaming skin.  
  
"Better?" He asked, making sure he had healed her hand completely.  
  
"Yeah, thanks." She sighed.  
  
"Not a great day?" He didn't realise he was still holding her hand.  
  
Tonks gave him a sad smile. "Not really a great week." Her fingers wrapped around his thumb as she looked down at their hands.  
  
"Kreacher won't listen to anything I say, and Dumbledore won't allow me to set him free. This morning he turned the whole kitchen upside down. It took me hours to fix, and Mundungus really wasn't any help." She blurted out, and he could swear he saw tears in her eyes. "I went to go get Sirius to help and..." She faltered, the words getting stuck in her throat as her fingers gripped his thumb more tightly.  
  
The pain of their recent loss flared up inside him. He wanted to hit someone, that House-elf to begin with. But his anger faded away as he watched Tonks. She always was in good spirits, always trying to make everyone else around her smile. He hated seeing her in tears, and he hated even more that somewhere he was relieved that they shared the same pain.  
  
"I miss him so much, Remus." Her voice was thick, and he heard her trying to suppress the sob rising in her chest.  
  
"I know." He whispered, amazed he actually managed to say something. "Me too." He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and gently drew her towards him.  
  
She didn't object. Instead, she actually wrapped her free arm around him and buried her face in his neck, crying softly. Their clasped hands remained between their bodies as he embraced her. After a while, they let go of each other's hand so they could embrace each other fully.  
  
It felt strange, standing the middle of the kitchen that belonged to his best friend, holding his cousin as they tried to comfort each other. It had been a while since he had held anyone like this, since he allowed himself to be comforted. It was a while before he realised that he was crying just as much as Tonks was. She didn't seem to mind how shabby his clothes were, or that his cheeks prickled from lack of shaving as he buried his face in her neck. He was only vaguely aware of her hands stroking his shoulders and back in a soothing movement. His body shuddered, and his fingers dug into the cloth of her robes as he clung to her. For the first time since Sirius had died, he allowed himself to let go of the pain and anger inside him.  
  
"I didn't save him, I didn't even go to him after he fell." He whispered, remembering the scene all too vividly. All he had known back then was that he had to keep Harry from following, even as he wanted to go after Sirius himself, knowing it would have been futile.  
  
"You couldn't save him, no one could." Tonks whispered softly, and he found himself nodding against her shoulder.  
  
"I know." He sighed, and pulled back a little to look at her face. He was surprised to find the purple had gone again. Her dark brown, almost black hair fell over her ears and he realised that this must be how she really looked. A smile crept onto his face as he reached out and gently caressed her cheek.  
  
"No one could save him, Remus." She continued, her eyes boring into his. "But at least he died fighting for what he believed in. I don't think he would have wanted to go any other way."  
  
Lupin smiled bitterly, knowing it was the truth even if he wished it wasn't. "Down in a blaze, huh?"  
  
She nodded sadly and leaned into his hand.  
  
"I'm the last Marauder." He whispered, the silence of the house around them creeping into his soul. "James, Sirius,... they're gone. Lily too."  
  
Tonks didn't allow him to finish his sentence. She placed a finger on his lips and smiled at him ruefully. "But you're not alone." She looked deep into his eyes to punctuate her words. He felt her squeeze his shoulder in assurance.  
  
He swallowed hard and nodded, but the action didn't seem to convince her, just like it didn't convince him. Her finger slipped from his fingers to his chin as her dark eyes studied him intently.  
  
In that brief second he wondered why on earth she would ever want to change anything about how she looked. She seemed perfect just the way she was, her perfection contrasting with his shabbiness. But his thoughts weren't allowed to go any further as she stood on her toes and leaned in to him. She caught him by surprise, but he didn't pull back as her lips brushed his. The gentle touch sent shivers up and down his spine as her hand cupped the nape of his neck and pulled him closer. He didn't resist, didn't even try, as the soft caress eased the pain inside his chest. Her lips tasted like salt, just like his probably did, reminding him of the grief they had just shared. But this was more than just a comfort kiss, he realised as his hands settled on her waist, and he pulled her body closer again. The kiss deepened, her tongue slipping between his lips. Although the pain didn't go away, although a big hole still remained where his friend used to be, the mournful silence was slowly pushed away again. It lost the hold it had on his heart as he took control of the kiss, and now explored Tonks' mouth with a tenderness he hadn't known he possessed.  
  
It seemed to last forever, but then was over much too soon as they broke apart for air. Tonks looked into his eyes, the smile on her face now genuine, and no longer filled with sadness. He knew that he probably was wearing the same grin. "Never, okay?" She whispered, her thumb gently caressing his nape as she leaned her forehead against his.  
  
"Never." He agreed, barely able to remember what she had said just before. The sensation of her lips on his made still made his head swim even now. They both grinned, and he leaned in again to claim her mouth as suddenly the door opened.  
  
"About time you showed up." Mundungus remarked as he entered, dropping a sack of probably illegal goods in the corner. "You ready then, Tonks?"  
  
He didn't even seem to have noticed that Lupin and Tonks had jumped apart, both blushing at being caught.  
  
Tonks grinned. "Yeah, I am." She said and winked at Lupin, who realised that she had changed her hair and eyes again. She brushed past him and quickly picked up her wand from the table, knocking a plate in the ground in the process.  
  
"Oops, sorry." She wanted to fix it but Lupin placed his hand on her wrist.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll get it." He told her smiling, and she nodded her thanks.  
  
"Well, we better go then. Come on, Tonks." Mundungus was already out of the kitchen. "Don't want to keep Dumbledore waiting..."  
  
Tonks grinned. "He means Dumbledore wasn't happy with the stolen quills he was trying to sell ,but they turned out to have a hex on them." She explained, and stopped right in front of Lupin. "Are you going to be ok?" She asked, looking into his eyes.  
  
He nodded. "I will be." He said tenderly, realising that he really would be.  
  
"Good." She grinned and quickly kissed him on the lips. "I promise we can pick this up where we left it when I get back." She pulled back before he got the time to respond, and walked out of the door.  
  
Lupin shook his head. Staying in the Black's house didn't seem as bad now as it had seemed when he'd first returned. The promise of finding out more about the *real* Tonks seemed very alluring.  
  
Humming, he cleaned up the mess she had left behind for him, the deep tones of his voice filling the house. 


End file.
